I hate the word closure...it is meaningless to me....things may bring comfort but closure...really? really!!!!
Closure brings to mind...stuffing something in a drawer or closet...closing the door fast so nothing falls out and turning away scurrying off to live life, muttering "Okay that's over"....how can anyone minimize a loved one to that point? Do they really believe it is that easy? Even more confusing to me...people actually admit to having closure....that is unbelievable to me...if I am to believe them then I am stunned at how superficial they are...while I care not to judge or compare...it does leave me stunned and amazed. If they have closure does that mean they never think about the person again....do they not weep for their loss, do they not look back on sweet memories with joy and thankfulness to have had that person in their life...how in the world does one put a person in a closet and close the door....wipe their hand and move on...I revel in my memories...I weep with my memories...I never want to not do that...there is peace and comfort in both the bitter and the sweet....it is these things that made my life full...never boring...never to be hidden or run from...
Even more interesting is finding out who came up with the thought or concept of closure. Can you imagine who that idiot might be...probably some learned academic who supposedly knows so much more than a lowly widow or parent who has lost a child...it is definitely someone who has never experienced loss or who has lost and can not deal with it.
I realize no one can live forever with the initial intensity of loss but grieving can actually be comforting if you allow yourself to go through it rather than run from it. There is a Pink Floyd song titled Comfortably Numb....I have been comfortably numb for some time now and there really is nothing wrong with it as far as I am concerned. If I had sought out closure I would have missed so much since Bob has died. I am better in so many ways since I have allowed grief to control me...I have let grief take me to the bowels of despair, I have wallowed there, I have been enveloped in sorrow and loss, I have let grief have it's way with me...grief will slowly release it's grasp on you...but you must first let it consume you. If you hastily search for this thing called closure how in the world do you mourn then survive a better person.
I do not claim to know what others feel but the more I talk to others in similar circumstances...it is those who have let grief own them for some time that seem comforted to me, they were never lost just comfortably numb for a while....and closure would not have been a good thing because one can ever close off a loved one and quite frankly really who would want to.
Elizabeth
